Alhamdullilah, I was born in a complete family. My father was an army man, a thorough gentleman and a hardcore soldier. My mother was a strong and confident woman. I am the youngest of my three siblings. Being the youngest, I was loved and pampered by all, specially by my father. But nevertheless, strict discipline prevailed. There were rules and principles for everything, hence all avenues to be spoiled were blocked. Though the atmosphere was very much in accordance with the moral ethics, yet religion was no where to be found or discussed. I studied in Presentation Convent High School. The school like my own house was run by strict discipline and principles.
At a very young age, though devoid of training and education regarding this subject, I was fully conscious that there is a Being, who is All-Powerful, and my Creator, and He is the one I have to obey and beg for every need. Whatever erroneous ways of worship I practiced on my own, were never encouraged or discouraged. Then I studied in C.B College for women. I was married within the family. The marriage was though arranged but of my choice. Then Allah blessed me with two children, a son and a daughter. All this time this little candle of faith kept flickering in my heart. I had everything by worldly standards yet I felt I had nothing. I was lost, I was confused, nothing made sense and nothing gave me peace. Simply nothing! Not even the things which were for me a dream come true. I do not remember a single day of this period when I did not cry due to this unhappiness within me. It was like my life was a big jigsaw puzzle and all its pieces were lost. It was as if I was sitting at the edge of an ocean yet thirsty. As if I was a princess yet a beggar.
After staying many years in this state, one day I came across a lady who had studied Quran, and she told me about its beauty and splendor. After sometime I decided to study it. I did two courses of Tafseer. In the first course, I was like spellbound, and in the second one I realized with full consciousness that, this was that was missing in my life. All the lost pieces of the jigsaw puzzle started fitting in its place. Every event, every happening in my life big or small made perfect sense. For the first time I got to know my master in the true sense. About what He wants from me and about the purpose of my Creation. I realized that though I had been striving hard all my life more than my ability and strength, but in the wrong direction and for the wrong motives, all my judgments were erroneous, I took the right to be wrong and the wrong to be right. I had miscalculated everything, that is why my endeavors yielded no result. The shackles broke and I was free, for the first time in my life I experienced true liberation. The liberation of La Illaha Ill Allah. I then wrote a Tafseer of my own which took me several years. In which I consulted seven to eight leading Tafaseer, and extracted a gist out of them. This again was a beautiful and life enriching experience. It was like diving in an ocean and taking out precious gems; and the deeper you plunge, the more beautiful the gems.
As I belong to Potohar, along with this I started teaching simple teachings of my deen in the village, and very soon another six villages were included in this circle. Then my husband started mentally preparing me for a Tafseer class at my house. He encouraged and facilitated me in every way a favor for which I am forever indebted to him. May Allah give him the the best Jaza-e-Khair for it. We completed one course in six years and then started the other. My journey through the Quran was the best thing that ever happened to me. The difference between my life before the Quran and after it is like, the difference between night and day. I do not have the words to express Al Mighty Allah for Blessing me with this Noor, for making me so content and happy to the core, for giving me the ability to recognize Him and my own self. I want to show this gratitude by spreading this light till wherever I am capable of, and end my remaining life serving The Book, which is my passion and my life now. Honestly, I could not even dream of this honor, with my faults and weaknesses. My only regrets are the days I was without this Noor, and those wasted years of my life in which I wasted myself in futile endeavors. It is Allah’s Fazal that even in those layers of darkness, He kept the feeble candle lit in my heart, which fluttered and flickered but did not die.
In the end I would like to narrate the saying of a revert, which fits in my scenario too as I am no less than a revert. She said
“I was a jeweled goblet but the goblet was empty. And now I am like an old cracked cup but the cup is bumming over with love of Allah”.